Learning Better Communication Skills in Therapy Can Improve Your Sex Life 

You may have heard of sex therapy, but you might not realize that sex therapy is often not even about sex. As strange as that seems, sex therapy typically focuses on your communication with your spouse. 

Today, you will learn about how improving communication can improve your sex life. You’ll also learn how sex therapy can help improve your relationship. 

Good Communication, Good Sex

As it turns out, good sex starts with good communication. And, by working on your ability to communicate with your spouse about sex, you actually improve your sex life. (Related article: Marriage Counseling Myths: “Sexual Compatibility Happens Naturally”). 

John Gottman, a relationship researcher, studied couples to see how their ability to openly talk about sex affected their sex lives. He found that the couples who could openly and honestly talk about sex reported having better sex. And among the couples who avoided discussing sex, only 9% reported having a satisfying sex life (Source). (Related article: Marriage Problems- Sex). 

So, the more freely you are able to discuss sex and your experiences with your partner, the better your sex life will be. (Related Article: Building Emotional Intimacy). 

How to Talk About Sex

That sounds great. But, what if you can’t seem to bring yourself to bring up sex? Or what if your conversations about sex end in contention? 

Here’s how to effectively talk about sex with your spouse (Source):

Approach Conversations about Sex with Positivity 

Criticism during conversations about sex is a recipe for frustration and hurt feelings. Sex is both deeply personal and also shared between you and your partner… which is why talking about sex is so complicated! You are both already likely feeling self conscious, so any harsh criticism will be hurtful and unproductive.  (Related Article: Promoting Partnership). Try taking a positive approach instead. 

For example, instead of saying “you never do –” or “why can’t you do –?”, use phrases like “I like it when you do —” or “— felt good”. Positive suggestions will go further than negative and harsh criticisms when it comes to conversations about sex with your partner. (Related article: Couples Therapy- Accepting Your Partner’s Influence). 

Be Patient As You Learn

Your cultural, religious, and social experiences will attach certain ideas and stigmas to sex for you and your partner. And your perspectives will likely be different. By talking about sex openly, you might be undoing ideas about sex that you have heard your entire life. (Related Article: How to Build Trust).  And, understandably, that process will take time. 

Be patient with your partner as they change and grow. And be patient with yourself, too! Big changes take time. 

Therapy Can Improve Your Sex Life

  If you want help and guidance as you navigate improving your sex life, therapy is a great place to start. A therapist can help you and your partner learn how to more freely and openly discuss sex. (Related Article: Couples Therapy). Your therapist can also help you and your spouse build the trust necessary for a happy and fulfilling marriage and sex life together. 

Are you ready to get started? Start couples therapy today in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork. 

Written by Lauren Adkins