How to Build Healthy Attachment in Relationship Counseling

In relationship counseling, you will learn new things about your partnership as a couple. But did you know that you will also learn things about yourself? One important aspect you will learn about yourself in couples therapy is your attachment style. 

Let’s talk about attachment and what it means to be securely attached in your relationship. Then, you will learn how couples counseling can help you improve your attachment to your partner and your connection in your relationship. 

Attachment: Seeking Connection 

To understand your attachment style in your current romantic relationship, we have to start from the beginning: your first attachment relationships. You learned about attachment from your caregivers. As your parent or guardian cared for you as an infant and young child, you learned if your caregiver would be there for you.

Maybe you grew up in a warm, comforting home with engaged parents. If this is the case, you probably learned to trust them. Then, you formed emotional safety and closeness with them as a result. But, maybe your experience was different. You might not have received that reassurance and closeness, and struggle to trust your caregiver. 

Adult Attachment

As an adult, you develop a similar type of attachment with your partner. You learn through shared struggles and experiences to trust them… or not. Past romantic relationships might also influence how you view and approach your current partner. You might find that you are emotionally close to your partner and trust them to maintain emotional safety in your relationship. Or, you might struggle to trust each other and feel safe to fully express and trust your partner. (Related article: How Attachment Influences Your Relationship). 

Understanding your attachment to your partner can help you identify sources of dysfunction in your relationship. Attachment can explain why you might lash out at your partner emotionally, or why your partner withdraws when things get hard. It can explain why you feel nervousness in your relationship, even when things are going well. And understanding attachment can help you understand how to address these issues and build a more trusting, stable relationship with your partner. (Related Article: Create Secure Attachment and Emotional Safety with Your Partner in Couples Therapy). 

Relationship Counseling Can Help You Learn about Attachment

If this information sounds relevant to you and your relationship, then couples therapy can be a great place to begin learning about attachment. In couples therapy, you can learn the “how” and “why” behind your attachment. You can also learn how to heal the attachment problems that might be causing discord in your relationship. 

Start relationship counseling in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork, or via Telehealth for anyone in Utah.

Written by Lauren Adkins