Relationship Counseling: A New Way to Look at Conflict

One of the biggest topics you will talk about in relationship counseling is conflict with your partner and how you can resolve it. Conflict resolution might seem confusing or difficult to understand. You and your partner have your own perspectives, and you may disagree about where to place blame. How can you find common ground? (Related Article: Common Marriage Problems- What To Do).

Today, you will learn about a simple way that you can reframe conflict in your relationship and how that can help kickstart conflict resolution. 

Joining the Same Team

You may have found that, especially with complex problems and disagreements, you and your partner struggle to understand how you can be on the same page. After all, you both have separate perspectives and experiences. How can you get on the same page? Especially when your conflict keeps coming back again and again?  (Related Article: How to Communicate Effectively).

Let’s talk about a way to reframe your conflict that can help you get things moving again towards a resolution with your partner.

Me vs. You  

Without realizing it, you might picture your conflict with your partner as a “me vs. you” situation. You might believe that your spouse is the problem. However, when it comes to language that encourages conflict resolution, approaching your partner with an accusatory delivery will probably not be productive. How can you begin to find common ground? (Related article: Marriage Counseling: How to Build Trust).  

That’s where it can be helpful to shift perspectives. A good analogy for conflict in a couple is that you and your partner are on

two islands. (Source). There is murky water in between. You and your partner have to figure out how to cross the water and arrive on the same island. However, because you are on separate islands, you have very different points of view- literally! 

That’s where good listening and communication come in. You want to understand what your partner sees from their “island”. In return, they can make an effort to see the world through your eyes, too. (Related Article: Couples Counseling: Validation). Then, you will be able to more effectively find an approach that works for both of you. As you attempt to resolve conflicts, make an effort to view the problem collaboratively, not competitively. 

You and Me Vs. the Problem

As you do this, you will find that your collective perspective changes. If you work to understand where your partner is coming from, and they do the same, you will see that you now want to work for each other instead of against each other. Now, you can see your situation as you and your spouse vs. the problem you need to overcome.

And that’s a good thing, because two heads really are better than one! Instead of letting your separate perspectives work against each other and contradict one another, you can use them to have a more well-rounded view. You can utilize each

other’s strengths and ideas to solve the distance between you.  (Related Article: Couples Counseling- How to Fix Your Marriage Problems). 

Relationship Counseling Helps Bridge the Gap

If you find that you and your partner are dealing with a complex issue and you need extra help bridging the gap, then relationship counseling is for you. In couples therapy, you can learn how to better understand each other’s perspectives and find the best way to connect and collaborate as a team. 

Ready to get started? Schedule relationship counseling with us today in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork.

Written by Lauren Adkins