Premarital Counseling: Building Fondness and Admiration

In our last post, you learned about how to build a “sound relationship house”, and how premarital counseling can help you and your fiance prepare for your life together. (Source) Now, we’ll talk about some things that will help reinforce the walls of your relationship house. (Related Article: Premarital Counseling- Building a Strong Relationship House).

One of the best things you can do to encourage stability and trust in your relationship is to learn how to share fondness and admiration for your spouse. This communication skill is a great “beginning” communication tool to try in your relationship during your engagement. Today, you’ll learn how to effectively communicate affection for your partner. You’ll also learn how premarital counseling can help. (Related article: Couples Counseling).

After the Butterflies

Maybe you and your partner are still in the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship. If that’s the case, you might worry about how you can preserve these “new love” feelings forever. 

Thankfully, you don’t have to! The beginning of your relationship was an important time for you and your partner when it comes to attraction and chemistry. You were attracted to each other and piqued each other’s interest. The “puppy love” part of your relationship was essential, and set the stage for your future love that will follow, with time and experience. 

You will inevitably change, grow, and evolve throughout your time together. And your love will too! Your engagement is a great time to prepare for the changes that will come your way. And part of creating a “sound relationship house” that withstands the test of time is consistently and freely expressing your admiration for your partner. (Related Article: Couples Counseling- Why Waiting Can Hurt). 

Fondness and Admiration

You might read that and say, well, duh, of course being nice to each other is part of a good marriage. And I agree, it sounds very simple. But the small things are what will create a stable, safe relationship for your and your future spouse.

And plus, sharing fondness and admiration is more than just being kind to each other (although that’s important, too!). It’s about sharing the simple, positive thoughts you have about your partner throughout the day out loud. At it’s core, sharing fondness and admiration is about creating trust in your relationship by telling your partner “I see you and the good things you do”. (Related article: How to Communicate Effectively in Marriage)

Plus, sharing fondness and admiration openly helps couples avoid one of John Gottman’s “four horsemen” that indicate that a relationship is in trouble- contempt. (Related Article: Relationship Problems- Contempt).

Contempt is the “silent killer” of relationships. Feelings of frustration and resentment build when couples hold each other in contempt. And contempt can interfere with the communication skills you are learning and employing in your relationship. Making an effort to share fondness and admiration will help you and your partner build the loving, lasting relationship you’d like to create.  (Related Article: Common Marriage Problems).

“I See You. Thank you”.

Sharing fondness and admiration for your partner doesn’t have to be complex. In fact, one of the easiest ways to share admiration for your partner is to voice the positive traits you see in your partner in your day-to-day activities.

For example, you might say “I’m proud of the way you handled that stressful situation at work. I look up to you and your patience”. Or maybe “I am attracted to the effort you put into being an engaged and thoughtful friend. Your friends are so lucky to have you, and so am I!” There are limitless ideas when it comes to spotting and sharing these little things that you notice as your future spouse’s partner. (Related article: How to Fix Your Marriage Problems)

Premarital Counseling Helps You See the Little Things  

If you are concerned about encouraging admiration and fondness in your future marriage, premarital therapy can help. A therapist can help you and your partner practice seeing the good in each other. They can also help you learn how to clearly express the things you love about your partner, and can even teach you other tools that will help you build a relationship house that can last a lifetime.(Related Article: Resilience In Marriage).

Are you ready to get started? Schedule couples therapy today in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork. 

Written by Lauren Adkins