Marriage Therapy – Signs That We Need It – South Jordan

If you live near South Jordan, marriage therapy is close by. As we have talked about on these blogs before, most couples enter couples therapy years after when they first need it (see John Gottman’s work). So let’s talk about the signs that you need couples therapy now. 

Your Fighting Isn’t Productive

The first sign that it’s time to start couples therapy is that you’re fighting is not productive. Even happily married couples argue and have friction, according to John Gottman’s research. What makes them successful is that they go about this friction in a healthy manner. Avoiding contempt, for example and using an appreciation ritual can help in this process to make arguments and disagreements productive (Related Article: Marriage Counseling: Appreciation Ritual). 

Your Repair Attempts Are Not Working

Another sign you need marriage therapy now is that your repair attempts are not helping. Repair attempts are a concept coined by John Gottman. It involves one partner trying to make it right when the have hurt their partner. It also involves the other partner receiving their repair attempt well. Being married is like living in a phone booth (remember those?!). You are going to step on each others toes from time to time. This is normal. However, when your repair attempts fall flat, so does your marriage. Its time for couples counseling (Related Article: Marriage Counseling: The Anatomy Of An Apology). 

Ultimatums Abound

A dangerous sign that you need marriage therapy is that you or your spouse have been using ultimatums to fix things. Ultimatums don’t work. They are a sign of desperation and advanced relational cancer. Your marriage needs help right away when this is happening. Giving your partner an ultimatum is a way to try to right the ship as its listing back and forth. It is your attempt to get them to do something or not do something so that you are more comfortable. It doesn’t work however, and a sign that you need professional help (Related Article: Communication Skills: Requests vs Boundaries). 

You Have A Vice

Having a problem such as alcohol use, drug use or pornography use can take a toll on a marriage. If this is you, then you might want to consider getting individual counseling as well as marriage counseling. Your vice creates patterns of emotional instability and this impacts your marriage. For example, you have less and less of an emotional capacity (ability to handle uncomfortable emotions) the more you use alcohol to cope with discomfort (Related Article: Build Your Emotional Capacity). This makes your marriage struggle and you need marriage therapy to help. 

You Have Been Thinking About Going To Couples Therapy

One of the last signs I’ll talk about here indicating that you need couples therapy, is that you have been thinking you do. You have probably been thinking that you and your partner need to get some help for months, if not years. You might have started looking up therapists online, but haven’t made the call. It’s common for couples who are struggling to think about going to get professional help. If you have been thinking about getting couples therapy in or near South Jordan, that is a major sign that you need it. 

Ready to begin marriage therapy near South Jordan? Start marriage counseling. We have offices in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork, or via Telehealth for anyone in Utah.

Written by Dr. Triston Morgan, LMFT