Begin Appreciation Rituals in Marriage Counseling

If you are in search of marriage counseling, you might be struggling to connect with your spouse. Maybe you have drifted apart. Or maybe you have begun to take each other for granted. 

No matter your motivations for beginning couples therapy, there are many small things you can do to strengthen your marriage and grow closer to your spouse. Today, you will learn about creating an “appreciation ritual” in your marriage and how to start counseling. 

Avoiding Contempt

Let’s start by talking about why appreciation and gratitude are important in marriage. In order for your relationship to happily last, it’ll be important to avoid what relationship researcher John Gottman calls the “Four Horseman” that predict marital conflict and divorce. One of the horsemen in particular can be easily avoided with small acts of daily gratitude: contempt. (Related Article: Marriage Problems- Contempt). 

But what is contempt, anyway? Contempt is when you and your partner lose respect and admiration for one another. And in marriage it will usually look like name calling, eye rolling, sarcasm, and mockery. If you and your partner have contempt for each other, you will be less open to listening to each other and will not be able to communicate more effectively with each other. 

The Antidote: Appreciation Ritual

In order to “cure” contempt, you and your partner can develop an “appreciation ritual”. An appreciation ritual is a habit of gratitude towards your spouse. Here are some ways you can practice appreciation ritual with your partner:

• Watch for reasons to express gratitude towards your spouse throughout the day. 
• Sit down with your spouse at the end of the day and find things you can thank your spouse for doing. 
• Keep a gratitude journal where you write things about your spouse. 

As you and your spouse work to create a habit of gratitude by incorporating appreciation ritual into your day, you can see an improvement in your connection and communication. The longer you can practice appreciation rituals, the more you will avoid inviting contempt into your relationship. 

Start Marriage Counseling

If you need help finding the good in your spouse, marriage counseling can help. In couples therapy, you can work with the counselor to find things to be grateful for and to avoid contempt for each other. 

Ready to begin? Start marriage counseling in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork, or via Telehealth for anyone in Utah.

Written by Lauren Adkins