Arguments in Marriage Counseling

If you are considering marriage counseling, you might be unsure of how a marriage therapy appointment works. Maybe you and your spouse are experiencing more conflict than usual. You might wonder if you can (or should) argue in front of your therapist in marriage counseling. Is it better to be on “your best behavior” in a couples therapy session? Or is it okay to have conflict in your appointment? (Related article: Fixing How You Fight). 

Today, you will learn about how arguing can actually be a good thing in marriage counseling. Then, you will learn how to schedule an appointment to get started. 

Conflict is Neutral

First, let’s talk about conflict. In couples therapy, it will be important for you to embrace an unusual idea about marital conflict… It’s not actually a bad thing. Plus, disagreeing with your spouse is not only normal, it is vital! If you are not arguing at least occasionally with your spouse, you might not be working on the tough issues that are bringing you to marriage counseling in the first place. (Related article: How to Fight Better). 

Conflict itself is neutral in your marriage; it’s how you argue that can be productive or unproductive. How can that be? Let’s look at some examples. If you and your spouse are arguing unproductively, you might yell, call each other names, and belittle one another. These methods of arguing do not give you and your partner space to be heard and to truly problem solve as a team. If you are arguing productively, you will listen intently, communicate clearly, and work to understand each other; even if the process is a little rocky along the way. (Related article: How to Communicate Effectively). 

Now that we have discussed why conflict itself isn’t bad, let’s look at why conflict in marriage counseling can actually be helpful. 

Conflict Provides Insight

As uncomfortable as it might sound, conflict can be very useful in marriage counseling. Now, instead of arguing between just the two of you in your normal environment, you have a chance to disagree with your therapist in the room. As you respectfully argue in front of your therapist, you are providing your therapist with valuable insight into the processes that define your marriage communication. Your counselor can watch for patterns and behaviors that might not be serving you and that are holding you and your spouse back from having the marriage you want. 

As long as the fighting is not excessive or escalating, and you are open to feedback from the therapist, conflict in your marriage counseling session can actually be a good thing!

Start Your Marriage Counseling Journey Today

Feeling stuck in the same old patterns in your marriage? Therapy can help. A marriage counselor can help you figure out the cycles that hold you and your partner back from living a life you love… together. (Related article: Promoting Partnership in Marriage). 

Ready to begin? Start marriage counseling in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork, or via Telehealth for anyone in Utah.

Written by Lauren Adkins