Grief Counseling: Why It’s So Hard to “Move On”

If you have lost a loved one, you may have felt like your entire world stopped turning. You feel different. The things that were meaningful or fun for you in the past now feel hollow and strange. You might also feel lost and alone. And as time passes, you might wonder “why am I still not over this? Should I be recovered by now?”. (Related article: Debunking Myths about Grief).

Grieving your loved one is never easy. Today, you will learn about why grief doesn’t seem to just “go away”. Then, you will learn some ways that you can honor your loss and how grief counseling can help you along the way. 

Grief Hurts

You might see reminders of your loved one all around you. Or maybe you experience the opposite: you feel like they never existed. You might even feel a combination of those two experiences. No matter your experience, you probably agree with one thing: grief hurts. 

But why does grief hurt so bad? And why does it seem like it never goes away? Research has shown that when you lose a loved one, your body responds as if it has lost a physical protector. After a while of this, your body may begin to become tired and lower its defenses, but that can lead to a greater risk of illness and a weakened immune system (Source). It’s no wonder your grief feels overwhelming and painful. Grief can make you sick; both emotionally and physically. 

The Only Way Out is Through

When it comes to grief, you might try to find a way to hit fast forward and get over it as quickly as possible. It’s not that you don’t miss your loved one, you just miss feeling like yourself. However, you might find that the more you avoid grief or try to speed up grief, the harder it gets. (Related article: Myths about Grief). 

The bonds you formed with your loved one took time and effort to form. And grief will not change the fact that you have those special bonds with the person that you love, even though they are not here. One of the best ways to care for yourself while you are grieving is to allow yourself to grieve. And that might sound impossible or overwhelming, especially as you try to tackle your normal life responsibilities. However, grieving can be like a muscle. With practice and exercise, you begin to gain strength, and the grief that once felt too heavy to carry will be more manageable. (Related article: Is There a Correct Way to Grieve?).

Honoring Grief

That being said, it can be hard to figure out how to honor your grief after the loss of a loved one. Here are some ideas you might try that can help you move through your grief and honor your loss:

Talk about your loved one. You might feel like it’s strange or counterproductive to talk about your loved one and share stories about them. Or you might even feel like you are making others uncomfortable by talking about your loss. Just because you lost a loved one does not mean they have ceased to exist. And it can be helpful to share fond memories or even ask others for their memories of your loved one. 

Celebrate milestones. The anniversaries, birthdays, and other significant events from the life of your loved one can be painful to think about, let alone celebrate. But creating new traditions and ways of remembering them during these big events can help to reinforce and strengthen your connection with them, even when they are not with you. 

Find help in a support group and therapy. You don’t have to go through the struggle of grief by yourself (even though it sometimes feels that way!). Groups like Emotions Anonymous provide lists of free, local support groups for people experiencing loss. And individual grief counseling can help you process your pain and remember your loved one in a safe, confidential, non-judgemental environment. 

Grief Counseling in Utah

If you’re ready to find support in your grief and take the next step, individual therapy can help. Start grief counseling in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork, or via Telehealth for anyone in Utah.

Written by Lauren Adkins, LAMFT