Debunking Marriage Myths: “Marriage Should Be Easy”

“When you’re with the right person, marriage will be easy.”
“It’ll all come together when you find the one!”
“If everything isn’t falling into place, then something must be wrong”.

You may have heard similar comments about marriage and relationships throughout your life. And these sentiments are brought up frequently in marriage counseling. You might look at your relationship and say “man, maintaining my marriage is a lot of work!… Is that a bad thing?”

Today, you will learn more about some common misconceptions about marriage and how marriage counseling can help.

Shouldn’t This Be Easier?

When you think of marriage and relationships, you probably think about the influences that taught you about how couples “should” be. Maybe you remember the relationships you observed in your family or friends. You might think about social media posts of happy, smiling couples that seem to have it all together. Or maybe you think about books, movies, and tv shows that feature relationship stories.

All of these influences are important and give you a reference point for your own relationships. But, these influences can also create unrealistic expectations about love and partnership that can be difficult to overcome. (Related Article: Stigmas). 

Think of a time when you were struggling in your marriage. Maybe you and your partner couldn’t see eye to eye. Or maybe you struggled to find time for each other and you struggled with loneliness. Or perhaps you just didn’t feel in sync. All of these feelings are normal in marriage and relationships. But, you might have found yourself asking “shouldn’t this all be… easier?”.

Those thoughts may stem from the messages you have received about relationships. You may have heard people tell stories about how things “just fell right into place” or “just made sense” when they met their partner. Or you might remember hearing stories about couples who were struggling and commentary about how they “aren’t compatible” or that their relationship was doomed to fail because they were struggling. But is this true? If you have to put what seems like a monumental amount of work into your relationship, does that mean things aren’t meant to be? (Related article: Encourage Sincere Change in Your Marriage). 

The Best Things Require Work

The truth is that all marriages require work. Successful marriages, seemingly “perfect” marriages, difficult marriages… all of them will require some sort of effort from you and your partner. In fact, all relationships require work and commitment to function and thrive. Consider your best friend. Do you put effort into planning things together, checking up on each other, and staying connected? Now, think of a close relative in your family. Odds are, you have to both put effort into staying in touch in order to keep your relationship close. All relationships require some sort of work… and that is a good thing!

Think of it this way. Without real effort, you and your partner won’t grow and change for the better individually. And the same goes for your marriage. If you don’t put in effort and commit time and energy to maintaining your relationship, it will not grow and thrive. (Related article: Promoting Partnership).

Marriage Counseling is For You

But wait, what if the effort you are putting into your marriage is due to disagreements and hardships? You may feel nervous about pursuing marriage counseling because it seems like you are in trouble or that your relationship is “bad”. But here’s the good news: marriage counseling is for everyone, just like all couples require work and effort to thrive. (Related article: Resilience in Marriage Counseling).

Marriage counseling can be beneficial for virtually any couple. And couples therapy is not a bad omen; if anything, your desire to go to therapy and work on things in your marriage is a sign of hope. (Related article: Debunking Myths- “Marriage Counseling is for Broken Marriages”). In fact, research shows that couples who work through hardships together are more likely to be happy in the long term (Source). If it seems that you and your partner are both striving to help your marriage and to work together, it’s a sign of life for your marriage- not a sign of the end. 

Start Marriage Counseling Today

Ready to find support for your relationship? Start marriage counseling in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork, or via Telehealth for anyone in Utah.

Written by Lauren Adkins