Become Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged, Couples Therapy

In couples therapy, you will learn how to reconnect and come closer as a couple. But reconnecting is more than just listening to your partner. Truly reconnecting further encourages your commitment to each other and builds your trust in each other and in your relationship as partners.

Today, you’ll learn about how being accessible, responsive, and engaged can help you maintain the progress you make in couples therapy and beyond. (Related article: What to Expect in Marriage Counseling)

A.R.E. You There in Couples Therapy?

Being “there” for your spouse comes down to more than just listening to the words that they are saying. But how can you begin to more fully connect with your spouse (Related article: Hold Emotional Space For Your Spouse)? The acronym A.R.E. from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help (Related article: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?). 

Ask yourself: are you accessible, responsive, and engaged in your relationship? The answers to these questions can help you understand ways to more fully connect with your partner and encourage empathy and understanding. 

Accessible

Being accessible means being there when your partner reaches out. But being accessible is not just being around your partner. If you are accessible to your partner, you are there when your spouse really needs you and wants to connect. You don’t just reply to reply, you let them know you are there for them and ready to support. 

Responsive

Now that you are accessible to your partner, they will want to share their perspective and express their emotions. As a responsive partner, you will do more than just notice how your spouse feels, you will try to talk in a way that shows them that their emotional experience matters to you. It’s not even about jumping in to fix their problem or getting rid of difficult and challenging emotions. It’s about showing your partner that you see what they are feeling and that their emotions are important to you. 

Engaged

As an engaged partner, you fully engage in interacting with your partner. You show up for them how they need it; if they want to vent, you listen and validate. If they want to problem solve, you work with them collaboratively. If you are engaged with your spouse, they will know that they can turn to you when they need your support and that you will be actively involved in the conversation. (Related article: Building Trust in Your Relationship in Couples Counseling).

These ideas may seem simple, but when life gets busy and you and your spouse are working to keep up with your own struggles and challenges, it can be hard to remember to be accessible, responsive, and engaged. (Related article: Getting Un-Stuck in Marriage Counseling). If embracing all three of these concepts feels like too much, try asking yourselves the following questions:

If my partner needs connection and comfort, am I there for them?

Can my partner get my attention easily?

Do I feel connected to my partner, even when we are physically apart?

Can my partner lean on me when they are anxious or unsure?

(Source: Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson)

Couples Therapy Can Help 

If you answered no to any of these questions, couples therapy can help. In counseling, you can learn how to create a loving, supportive, secure environment that encourages you to be accessible, responsive, and engaged in your relationship. And a couples therapist can help guide you through the process and offer support as you learn and grow together. 

Ready to schedule couples therapy? Start marriage counseling in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork, or via Telehealth for anyone in Utah.

Written by Lauren Adkins