How to Know if You Are Holding Back In Couples Therapy

It’s hard enough to decide to make the call to schedule couples therapy. But making your appointment is just the beginning! The work begins when you and your partner arrive at your first appointment. 

A successful experience in couples therapy will depend on your willingness to be open and honest with your partner and your therapist. And that might seem intimidating; and that’s okay! Learning to be vulnerable has a learning curve that takes time. But,

what if you aren’t sure if you are being totally open in couples counseling? How can you know if you are being up front and honest with your partner and your therapist? 

Today, we will discuss what topics you can expect to discuss in couples therapy. You’ll learn how to practice being more open; in and out of the therapy room. Then, you’ll learn how to schedule your first couples therapy session. 

Creating an Alliance in Therapy

At your first appointment, you might struggle to open up completely. It makes sense that you might not immediately trust this new therapist you have just met. Or maybe you feel uncomfortable communicating with your partner. That’s why you’re in therapy, after all; so you can learn skills that will help you be a better communicator and listener (Related article: Marriage Counseling- Promoting Partnership).

Thankfully, taking time to “warm up” to your therapist and the therapy process in general is normal and expected. During your initial sessions, your therapist will be working to build a foundation of emotional safety and trust in the therapy room (Related article: Are You Keeping Secrets from Your Therapist?). And as you work through therapy together, you will likely find that opening up becomes easier. 

But what happens if you still struggle to be forthcoming when it comes to sharing your feelings and perspective in therapy? Let’s talk about reasons you might feel hesitant to share in couples therapy. 

You Aren’t Sure How to Say It

Maybe you are keeping a secret from your spouse. Or maybe you are dealing with an issue that is overwhelming or hard to explain. In these situations, you might not be sure about how to go about being more open in therapy. Where can you begin? (Related article: Couples Counseling: Collaboration vs. Cooperation). 

Thankfully, therapy is a great place to practice communicating. If you aren’t sure where to begin, don’t be afraid to ask for help! Your therapist understands that coming to therapy is hard and that it can be a challenge to open up about hard topics. They can help you navigate the process of opening up, especially when it’s hard. 

Avoiding Pain

There are some things you will share in therapy that may cause your partner pain. And you might be nervous about how to go about doing that. Maybe the information needs to be shared or is time sensitive, and you are just afraid to hurt the one you love

the most (Related Article: Marriage Counseling- How to Get Along When You Disagree). 

This is not an uncommon experience, especially in couples therapy. If you have to share sensitive information with your spouse, couples therapy can be a great place to have that conversation. Your therapist can help to coach you and your spouse through the process of navigating these difficult topics and the reactions afterward, too. 

You’re Worried You Will Be Judged

Maybe you are holding back because you’re worried you will be judged by your partner… or, even worse, your therapist will judge you! Thankfully, your therapist is trained and experienced. Your therapist will provide you with a safe, non-judgemental space where you and your partner can be fully open and honest. It might take time to adjust to the idea of being completely forthcoming with your spouse, or with a therapist who you just met. But that is okay! Part of the process of therapy is learning to communicate and share. 

Learn to Communicate in Couples Therapy 

By just reading this you have made a step forward towards improving your relationship. Now, take the next step. Ready to get started? Find couples therapy in Orem, South Jordan, or Spanish Fork. We also offer Telehealth in Utah.

Written By Lauren Adkins